The Invisible Student

12-9-2020

This morning, I read a story about a young man (14 or 15 years old) who sadly committed suicide during this unfortunate pandemic lockdown. He was an outgoing football player that missed his friends and missed football so much, that he just couldn't take it anymore. It broke my heart. We have been hearing a lot about the effect of these lockdowns on kids. It wouldn't be a surprise to me if that they have long lasting effects to all of us, but especially kids. All the stories I have heard have been about outgoing, social kids that are depressed about not being around their friends anymore. We felt it some with our younger two kids. Luckily, my son was still able to play hockey and I think that has saved him from the hopelessness and helplessness these others have felt. And luckily, my kids had the option of in person learning before too long.

But we don't really hear about the other kids. The kids that are shy and introverts. The ones who don't like to be with people or talk out loud in class. The ones who don't play a sport or an instrument. The invisible ones. My oldest is one of these. And out of my three kids, this lockdown seems to be effecting him the most. This is what I mean. He hasn't been out of the house (except maybe to take a ride to pick up food with my husband) for months. He hardly even leaves his room really. For a long time, we did not hear him talking to his friends even while playing video games. In fact, it was just a couple weeks ago we heard him actually talking and playing video games with his friends and it's the only time I can remember in this whole pandemic time. Since we had the option, we allowed him to stay virtual for the first half of this school year. It may prove to be a big mistake because now he does not want to ever go back to school. His grades are terrible. He is failing 5 classes. I have threatened to put him back into in person classes and I am telling you, I have never seen him so panicked before. So much so, that he has willingly been taking his other devices down for us to hold while he is "at school" because they are too distracting. And while I'm glad he is finally making some progress on his schoolwork, I am dreading the day he actually will be forced to go back to school. After a whole year of virtual classes, I'm not sure he will be able to function in person. He is perfectly happy to be isolated and alone. And unless he's forced to, he will never want to be part of the real world. So while he seems content right now, the real challenge will be when we start to live our real lives again. Even if they are a "new normal", whatever that means. I don't have any answers. I just have the helpless feeling that he will be more screwed up than he already was before this pandemic. And I don't know what to do or what can even be done. It is for sure though - after this Covid-19 pandemic, our lives will never be the same again.

Election Thoughts and the State of the Union

I normally do not post about politics (I usually know better). But although private, I am very passionate about them. I just need to get this out because the thoughts are eating me alive.

I am not going to lie, I have been disappointed and a little surprised at the election results. The way I view it is that hate has won. Over half of people of this country hate one man so much that they are willing to give up all their liberties and freedoms. They are willing to give up everything just so long as the bad orange man is gone. Maybe this is overdramatic, maybe not. You may not like it or agree with it, but it is how I feel. I love my country and I love my freedom. I am a proud American. I have always had a great affinity for the founding fathers and the story of our country's beginnings. I thought that I was part of the silent majority. I thought most Americans still felt the way I feel about the country and they would prove it once and for all in this election. But to see that more than half the country does not feel this way has been hard for me to grasp or even understand. So, disappointed may not even be strong enough of a word. Devastated might be better. The silent majority is no longer a majority. Americans do not want to preserve the democracy that was put into place many years ago. They want and even welcome socialism. They are ok with having no law and order. They are also more than willing to turn their head to obvious and proven corruption, as well as dementia, in their own candidate. Full well knowing that sometime soon after election, he will be deemed unfit and will be replaced by the most far left socialist president ever. BLM can riot, loot and destroy. Babies can be killed. They want to take away our money, our religion, our healthcare and our school choice. But it's all ok as long as that man can't tweet anymore. Isn't that an even trade?

And to be clear, I do not hate them. I am confused and sad about it. I also feel bad for them. And I know Trump is no saint. He says and does things sometimes that make me shake my head. But the obvious hatred in their hearts is so strong, they cannot see the truth. They let the mainstream media tell them lies until they believe them all and can spit them out verbatim at any time. You can always tell a CNN viewer just by the way they speak. How have the American people become so hateful and misguided? Pondering it, I think there are many reasons. One of my theories is that while we were not paying attention, they infiltrated our education system and taught (and continue to teach) our children lies so they can grow up to be good little socialists. So they can grow up and do whatever they tell them to do. Not thinkers, but followers. This has been going on for much longer than we even knew to bring us to this point. The other thing is social media. Social media has destroyed most of our society. Kids today do not know how to socialize in the real world. Everything is online. The pandemic and virtual learning is not helping. YouTube is like a drug that they can't get enough of. It's also no secret that they control mainstream and social media. And no-one can deny the obvious censorship of any point of view that they don't agree with. They want to control what we see, what we read, what we believe. How else will they get us all to fall in line? How else will they get all the power they lust after? And sadly, they don't even need to hide it anymore. We just accept it. We have been lazy and complicit and I am ashamed of myself for not seeing it so clearly before this.

And to that point, I wanted to post some of this on Facebook. But I did not want the consequences of it. I know I will be yelled at and unfriended. I will be told I am a racist, a deplorable, a chump. So yes, I cower and yield to the mob. I am afraid. How sad that we cannot even have our own thoughts and feelings anymore. The way that social media has bullied us into silence is awful. And I have no answers for any of it. I'm still trying to figure out my own feelings. On one hand, I love Facebook for posting about my kids, my house and keeping up with friends and family. On the other hand, I hate that it makes me feel insecure, angry, and depressed on a daily basis. And yet, I just can't quit it. It's quite the conundrum. But I am going to make a concerted effort to limit my Facebook time and live my life instead. I have let it rule too much of my life and that has to change.

I don’t know what the future holds, but the good thing is that I do know who holds the future. So, even though I am struggling with all this, I will trust in the Lord. And in the end, Love will always win.