12-9-2020
This morning, I read a story about a young man (14 or 15 years old) who sadly committed suicide during this unfortunate pandemic lockdown. He was an outgoing football player that missed his friends and missed football so much, that he just couldn't take it anymore. It broke my heart. We have been hearing a lot about the effect of these lockdowns on kids. It wouldn't be a surprise to me if that they have long lasting effects to all of us, but especially kids. All the stories I have heard have been about outgoing, social kids that are depressed about not being around their friends anymore. We felt it some with our younger two kids. Luckily, my son was still able to play hockey and I think that has saved him from the hopelessness and helplessness these others have felt. And luckily, my kids had the option of in person learning before too long.
But we don't really hear about the other kids. The kids that are shy and introverts. The ones who don't like to be with people or talk out loud in class. The ones who don't play a sport or an instrument. The invisible ones. My oldest is one of these. And out of my three kids, this lockdown seems to be effecting him the most. This is what I mean. He hasn't been out of the house (except maybe to take a ride to pick up food with my husband) for months. He hardly even leaves his room really. For a long time, we did not hear him talking to his friends even while playing video games. In fact, it was just a couple weeks ago we heard him actually talking and playing video games with his friends and it's the only time I can remember in this whole pandemic time. Since we had the option, we allowed him to stay virtual for the first half of this school year. It may prove to be a big mistake because now he does not want to ever go back to school. His grades are terrible. He is failing 5 classes. I have threatened to put him back into in person classes and I am telling you, I have never seen him so panicked before. So much so, that he has willingly been taking his other devices down for us to hold while he is "at school" because they are too distracting. And while I'm glad he is finally making some progress on his schoolwork, I am dreading the day he actually will be forced to go back to school. After a whole year of virtual classes, I'm not sure he will be able to function in person. He is perfectly happy to be isolated and alone. And unless he's forced to, he will never want to be part of the real world. So while he seems content right now, the real challenge will be when we start to live our real lives again. Even if they are a "new normal", whatever that means. I don't have any answers. I just have the helpless feeling that he will be more screwed up than he already was before this pandemic. And I don't know what to do or what can even be done. It is for sure though - after this Covid-19 pandemic, our lives will never be the same again.
