3/8/2023, 3/19/2023
There was a game. Yes, it was a youth hockey game. It was an important game. Winning meant you go to the National's to represent your state. Losing meant your season is over. So, yeah, a pretty important game. Well, unexpectedly to many, they lost. It was heartbreaking. Some things happened in the game that destroyed me. There were two plays that haunted me for a week. I could not sleep thinking about them. It wasn't just the plays themselves but the people that were involved in the plays and how my son was treated in those plays. I know I shouldn't care so much, but I can't help it. I feel hurt over it, as stupid as it sounds. And I feel he was robbed of an experience he worked so hard to get to. (Sidenote: Even though I was very hurt by these plays, my son's reaction was "it's just hockey" so he didn't take it the same way I did. He is much more easygoing and a turn the other cheek type of person and I'm happy about that!)
I thought this blog entry would be to just complain about this specific game, but as some time has passed, it has turned into something else. I took that loss the hardest I've ever taken one of my son's losses. It's been two weeks now and I still can't sleep. I have had to struggle with why it was affecting me so much. I have had to analyze my deep hurt feelings for something that I should seemingly just brush off. It's just a game. He's only 15. It's not that big a deal. So, why does it feel like such a big deal to me, even still?
This past hockey season we have contemplated many decisions and possible ideas of what the future could hold for us and for our son. We have literally considered moving hundreds of miles away so he could play better hockey. So he could play with kids that were nicer, better and would accept him. (Of course, we could never know if that would even happen or he would just be an outsider but it was nice to think about). And not to say that kids he plays with now are not nice, but there are only a couple that he would say are his friends or that he could relate to. The week before this tournament, he tried to tell me that probably half the kids on his team didn't care if they won or lost. I thought that was ridiculous and that he was wrong. Why play travel hockey if you didn't want to win? Why let your parents spend all that money for something you didn't even care about that much? Unfortunately, after playing this most important game of the season and arguably his whole hockey career so far, he told me how the kids reacted in the locker room and how he was right. This just made me all the more angry and hurt. Some of those guys let their teammates down and that's just how it is.
3/29/2023
It has taken me weeks but I finally feel like the feelings of hurt and disappoint have subsided a little for me. It still sucks that Elijah was robbed of this great opportunity but as they say, everything happens for a reason. I am working on coping better with life's disappointments, with God's help.
