8/20/25
I have been feeling pretty bad physically honestly, so that makes me nervous. I saw a nutritionist and have been taking lots of supplements. But I can't stick to the diet and so I haven't lost any weight. I know it's so important and yet, I cannot stay on track. Every day it feels like I'm battling - my thoughts, my emotions, my body. I just want to feel better. I want to be healed. I want an experience like Forrest Frank - a miraculous healing.
Lately, I have felt like my bones are heavy, if that makes any sense. I get out of breath just doing simple tasks like walking across the house. I hate it. All I want to do is rest or sleep. I pray everyday for relief and peace. I have so much I would love to do, so much I would love to say but I'm feeling so overwhelmed. It's so hard always wondering how much time I have left. What if it's a lot less than I thought I would have? It's also hard not to compare my experience to my mom's experience. I hate that she was taken from us so young (just a little younger than me) and yet, my kids could find themselves in that same position. The last few months have been pretty tortuous with these constant thoughts and worries floating around my head and not having the answers yet but, also scared to have the answers. As you can imagine, it's not hard for my thoughts to spiral out of control. Life is short, even if you live to 100. It still flies by and you always feel like you could have done more, been more. I pray for healing, for wholeness, but I also know it is not up to me. That's hard for person who likes to be in control. But God is the one in control and even if he decides not to heal me, I trust Him. I praise Him. I serve Him. My ultimate prayer is that I will be able to serve Him more with whatever time I have left, whether that be soon or whether I have many many more days left here.
