The Hardest Job Ever

I posted today on Facebook about how being a stay at home mom is the hardest job ever. How for the first time in my life, I feel like I'm failing. I just found the need to expound on this and so here I am!
 
I have been working since I was 16. When I was in college, I had 3 part time jobs. I have always been a good, dare I say great, employee. I have a good work ethic. When I was in the workplace, I worked hard and did a good job. I would get frustrated at times, of course. I would want to slack off at times, of course. But I always did the best I could. Sometimes I was rewarded, sometimes I wasn't. But that didn't deter me because I knew it was the right thing. I was proud of my work habits. I felt good about getting things accomplished. I like checklists and more importantly, checking off the things on those lists.

But these things do not translate to being at home. The house is always a mess. One or more of the kids always need something. There is way too much to do and not enough time to do it. Laundry, dishes, homework, housework. Sometimes I feel like my house is actually swallowing me up! And I have absolutely NO energy. I always have good intentions but they rarely become actual deeds. And don't even get me started on the organization. I love organization. I want and need to be organized so badly, but it's not happening. I'm drowning in a sea of clothes and papers and toys. And there are so many good ideas out there, sometimes I get overwhelmed just by the pure amount of them! I let Elijah watch too much TV and do not do enough projects or papers with him. I'm not really the creative type and yes again, there are way too many ideas out there. I don't like to take the kids out a lot because it's tiring, cost too much money but mostly because I like being home. I think I romanticized the idea of staying home. I thought, think of the time I'll have to do things! I will get so much accomplished in the house! Ha! I can only laugh at that now. The grasser is always greener...as they say.

I guess I'm still transitioning from the work world to this new world of chaos and confusion. It's overwhelming. There are so many lessons I feel I need to learn during this time. I'm used to being good at what I do. But I don't feel like I'm very good at this. And so this is the most humbling experience I have ever had. Bingo! Maybe that is the first lesson God is trying to teach me, humility. And it's hard. Some days I think about giving up and just going back back to work. Because that is easy and comfortable. But then some days, I feel like I need this challenge and I will overcome. I do feel like God is really working hard on me right now. He doesn't want me to take the easy way out. He wants me to go through this, He NEEDS me to go through this. So that I can be a better person, mother and wife in the end.