One day it will just be gone. You know it's coming eventually, but that doesn't seem to ease the pain of it.
No more early morning or late night games. No more trips. No more taking videos of the person you love doing the thing they love.
I am heartbroken and grieving. It may seem silly, but it is how I feel. No one can really prepare you for the devastation you feel when this thing that has dominated your life for many years is just all gone. I didn't even realize it until I was talking with another mom who went through this years ago. Maybe I knew deep down but didn't want to face it because it seems so trivial and stupid. It's just a sport. It's just a game. It's just a season. But her words allowed me to feel all the feelings and realize that I am not alone.
There are many questions I struggle with. What about all his potential and talent? Why didn't it take him farther? It's hard to not look back on it and say "If only".....if only we did this, if only he did that, if only the coaches, the team, the tryout etc. were all different. But it wasn't. And he has moved on and I'm left here in the broken and shattered dreams of it all.
The truth is that sometimes our plans are not God's plans. And that is the hardest lesson of it. Because we question why? Why didn't God have the same plans I had for him? Saying it out loud sounds so ridiculous now, of course. Because God's plans are rarely our plans. We don't know why and probably never will, but He is God and we are not. And sometimes that is a hard truth to comes to grip with.
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