2 more days at MD Anderson and now, the waiting

September 7, 2026

My second day as a new patient at MD Anderson was on Thursday, Sept 2nd and was much like the first. We were up around 4am so we could get to the hospital for my 6am pet scan. Unfortunately, the hotel shuttle service didn't start until 6:30am so we had to park in the garage at MD Anderson. After my pet scan, I had back to back appointments scheduled: Radiation oncology at 9:30am, oral oncology at 10:30am, pre-op anesthesia at 11:00am and lastly, medical oncology at 2pm. The radiation doctor took so long, it pushed all the other appointments back at least an hour. I think I was done with them about 1:15pm which gave us just enough time to eat something at the cafeteria and make it in time for the medical oncologist. We met many people and talked about past medical records, current symptoms and what possible treatment might look like assuming the cancer was indeed olfactory neuroblastoma. Obviously all the information we got was based on what the biopsy scheduled for the next day might say and was subject to change based on those results. It was a very long, exhausting day. We also walked a lot! We went the wrong way to get to the garage we parked in and didn't realize it until we were almost to the other side of the hospital. That's my "great" directional sense. After we got back to the hotel, we rested a little and then got ready to go to a nice dinner. Everything we mapped was going to take so long to get to because Houston traffic is terrible! We decided on Longhorn Steakhouse in Pearland because it said it was going to take the shortest time, not realizing it was because it was taking us the express lanes. But we got there quickly and had nice dinner with a wonderful 19 year old server. Then we ran into JC Penney's so I could find some comfortable pants to wear the next day to my surgical biopsy. I spent the rest of the night getting all my medical papers organized and put away. And then took a shower with my special soap before bed and again, the next morning. 

My biopsy surgery was scheduled for a check in time of 12pm the following day. We decided to take the hotel shuttle this time because parking the day before cost almost $20 since we had been there over 12 hours. The ride there was fine and we got there very early. Unfortunately, I couldn't eat so we just hung out and waited until it was time to check in. The way it works is you check in and then you sit and wait in the waiting area until they are ready for you. Some of the people sitting in the waiting area were there for an hour before us and still were not called back while we were there. I think they called me back around 1:30pm. Once I was back in a room, they got me prepped pretty quickly and got me into surgery. From my understanding, it only took about 30 minutes for the procedure, but they had a hard time waking me up so I was in recovery for a while. They had to go and talk to my sister and tell her the information because they said I kept falling asleep. Haha. I'm not sure what anesthesia they used but it clearly wasn't the right one. Once I was finally awake in recovery, I got really nauseous and threw up. This never happens to me after surgery! But my sister was able to get the nausea meds they prescribed picked up and then once I was stable, they released me. Then came the worse ride of my life. We had to take the hotel shuttle back to the hotel. Only the van was quite full and they had to actually turn a couple people away and come back for them. I was still groggy and nauseous. And instead of going straight to the hotel, people on the van were going to Walgreens, Target and then finally the hotel. The roads in Houston are so bad and bumpy and I was so nauseous the whole time. It was awful! But finally we got back to the hotel and decided to order in for dinner. We had pizza from a local restaurant delivered and it was good. Of course, I was so hungry I ate way too much and wound up throwing up again. But after that, I was able to rest and go to sleep for the night. I felt much better in the morning. We were able to have breakfast at the hotel and then get our stuff packed up for our drive back to my house in Irving. The drive was mostly uneventful, the only interesting thing was Buc-ees in Madisonville was closed due to losing power so we were a little disappointed. But we were able to stop at the one in Ennis so all was right again. 😀

The pet scan showed only the nasal cavity as possibly being malignant so that was reassuring that there isn't more going on, at least. We should hear about the biopsy this week. Since Monday (today) is a holiday, it is going to delay the results a little and then all the doctors get together every Thursday for big meetings where they discuss their cases. They will be discussing my case this Thursday and will call me with the biopsy results and the plan they have come up with for me. It is hard waiting. But based on all my conversations throughout the week, I already have a good idea of what the plan will be. First, I will have surgery in the next month, then 6 weeks later, I will need to go down to Houston for 6 weeks for radiation, Monday-Friday. Depending on the results, I may have to have chemo at this time, as well, but I am praying this is not the case. Obviously, this will be a hard time since I will have to move down there for those 6 weeks and we will have to figure all that. But for now, it's back to real life until I hear what's next. 

 

A New Patient at MD Anderson in Houston - Day One

September 1, 2026

Today, was my first day as a patient at MD Anderson. Because my husband wasn't able to come with me, my sister put her own life aside and thankfully was able to come do this with me. After not much sleep, we were up at 3am to get ready for the 4 hour drive to Houston. We left at 4am. We stopped one time at a Texas staple, Buc-ees. I was shocked to learn she had never even heard of it! She was in awe and called it a Wawa on steroids (she lives in Pennsylvania). 

Even though we hit a lot of morning traffic in Houston, which really just seems to be because whoever designed the roadways there was on drugs at the time or just really hates people, we made pretty good time. We pulled up to MD Anderson at around 8:45am. I think it was at this point we learned about the storm heading towards us, that could possibly turn in to a hurricane and honestly we thought that sounds about right. LOL

My first and main appointment of the day was to meet a doctor, Dr. Ehab Hanna, that is a specialist in my suspected cancer, olfactory neuroblastoma. After getting checked in (early), we had some waiting to do. But then they called me first to get my vitals and go over some history with a nurse. After being brought into another room, I gave my many pages of documents I brought including those from my thyroid cancer, breast cancer, genetic testing, other scans I had in the last two years and an overall timeline of  my health through all these things. They took them to have them scanned in. Then, we met one of his PA's. She was very sweet and patient to answer any questions we had. She did an endoscopy into each of my sinuses, and she videoed it for the doctors to see later. After doing this, she told us that I was in the right place and commended my decision to come to them first and to have them be with me throughout the entire process. While I know she meant it to be comforting, it made my stomach sink. Because I got the sense she had seen this before and knew that it looked like cancer. She spent a lot of time with us answering any questions. Because I feel like this took a long time, I think they must have swapped my appointment time with someone after me, because then we had to wait about 45 minutes or so for the doctor to come in the room. He came in and said, "3 cancers? You are an overachiever!" It made me laugh and also made feel a little sad. But he had a friendly demeanor. He explained that he feels that it is most likely olfactory neuroblastoma but of course it will have to be confirmed with a biopsy. He said they could have done a biopsy in the office with just some numbing but most likely it would just make me bleed and they would not get all the tissue that he would like to test. So, it is set up for me to be put under and do the biopsy in an operating room on Thursday 9/3 where they can have more control over the bleeding and the amount of tissue they can get. He said it is also possible it could be breast cancer that has spread and that would be a more challenging prognosis. After we asked if it was possible at all if it could be benign, he said it's not impossible but I could tell he didn't think this was the case. After this, I asked him if he had seen the MRI of the neck I had and the finding that there was a lesion on my spine at the back of my neck. He said he did and that he recommends I have a full body pet scan which they will get scheduled while I am here this week. He also explained that they have set up all my appointments to meet all the doctors I might possibly need in my possible treatment while I am here. Depending on the results, I may need to see them again and I may not. But if it turns out I don't need them, I would have just met some "nice guys". Haha.

After meeting with the doctor, we were taken to patient education. There they explained how I would prepare for the biopsy since it would in essence be a surgery type biopsy since I would be put under anesthesia. She also told me that they will be scheduling a pet scan and you have to fast for 6 hours before so not to eat until this test is scheduled in case they want me to come back this evening to have it done. Based on when I ate last, the earliest they could do it is at 5pm tonight. 

After this, I went to the lab to do bloodwork. They tested for my blood type (B+) and did a CBC and lots of other tests I have never had done, most having to do with hormone levels. I was getting notifications of these results coming in over the next hours. I'm not sure when someone will go over them with me. After labs, we sat and waited to see if I might get a notification about the pet scan. But eventually decided to leave so we could check into the hotel and get some rest before I may have to come back. At this point, I am feeling so tired and overwhelmed.

Once we got into the hotel room, I got notification about my pet scan was scheduled for Friday morning. Ugh, we were planning to drive home Friday, but since it was early in the morning, we would still do that afterwards. We decided to get something to eat because I am getting hangry. As we are driving there, I get a notification that the pet scan has been moved to tomorrow at 6am! This is before my already full day of appointments meeting 3 new doctors and a pre-surgical appointment for my biopsy. At this point we are so overwhelmed and overtired, that we just bust out into a fit of hysterical laughing. I am definitely feeling the silly kind of tired where everything is funny. Of course, this means that we won't be able to take the shuttle the hotel offers to my appointments tomorrow because they don't start until 6:30am. So now we will be paying for parking at MD Anderson. Not a huge deal I guess, but just another stressor. We wonder, why isn't the parking for cancer patients free??

Now, lets talk about notifications. I would say one of MD Andersons strengths is communication, which truly I do appreciate. It's one of the things that has severely been lacking in my previous treatments. But I would also say that it can also be so stressful to be getting so many messages and updates throughout a day. Since I called MDA to become a new patient there has not been a day that I have not received some sort of message, reminder or communication. I gave them the information and they took my test results and history and decided on who I should see and when. Sometimes they would make an appointment and then it would get changed so sometimes it's hard to keep up! For example they scheduled one for me to see the medical oncologist next week because it was the soonest she had an opening, I assume. I was bummed but what could I do? Then today, I got a message that they were able to move it to tomorrow so I don't have to come back next week, which I appreciated. But the sheer volume of messages and notifications I am getting, especially today while they were trying to work to get all my tests and appointments set AND all my blood test results were coming in can definitely be overwhelming! But I would much rather that be the case than the alternative. And they truly are working to get everything set for me in a way that is most efficient and to not waste too much time. 

Tomorrow will be an even more full and exhausting day, with a pet scan at 6am, then appointments at 9:30am (radiation), 10:30am (oral oncologist), 11am (pre-op appt), and 2pm (medical oncologist). I was already so tired and we have another early morning, needing to wake up about 4am tomorrow. I tried to go to sleep at 5:30pm (ridiculous, I know) but woke up a little over and hour later and have been writing this ever since. I am so overwhelmed and and anxious and my stomach hurts. We laughed a lot today, which was nice. But when all is said and done, I am scared and not looking forward to all the things I may have have to do not just this week, but in the future. I am definitely struggling with the weight of it all. But tomorrow is a long day so I need to get back to sleep. I am thankful for all the prayers and messages I have received in the last few days. 

Jesus, have my heart, my will, my soul
Jesus, have my hopes, my dreams, my world
With joy, I lay it down
With joy, I cast my crowns
Jesus, have it all

To You, I bring my praise, my lips, my song
A living sacrifice as one reborn
Your life is now my own
Your will is what I want
Jesus, have it all

Jesus, have it all
Jesus, have it all
To You belongs the glory
The praise of all the world
Jesus, have it all
Jesus, have it all
All blessing and all honor
All majesty and awe
Jesus, have it all

Yeah, all my days
All my life
Have it all
All my days
All my life
Have it all
Have it all

Have all my days
Take all my life
Have it all, ay
Yes, all my days
And all my life
Have it all, oh
Oh Jesus, have it all

Jesus, Have It all by Jeremy Riddle, performed by Bethel Music

"Stop Going to the Doctor"

 August 23, 2026

Ever since my breast cancer diagnosis in March 2023, it seems to be one thing after another with my health. After all my cancer treatment, it seems like every time I go to any doctor, they find something else wrong with me. I've had blood clots, sinus surgery for a blocked sinus, foot surgery for plantar fasciitis, another cancer scare, trigger thumb as well as a plethora of side effects from the aromatase inhibitors I have been on. At some point my sister plainly told me "Stop going to the doctor!". Haha. She has a point!

A few months ago, I started feeling pain in my right sinus again. I assumed it was from allergies. Since I didn't want to wind up like I did last year when I had to have surgery to clear my sinus, I decided that I needed to see a new ENT doctor since I was not satisfied with how my last ENT treated me or with my last allergy test results. The first thing the new doctor did was use a scope to see inside my sinuses. After looking at the sinuses, he showed me the picture of a mass he saw. He said it was not a polyp and he wasn't sure what it was. I could not have been more surprised, although at this point in my life I guess I shouldn't be! We discussed my recent breast cancer history and he told me that sinus cancer is rare, but it can happen. He told me he would prescribe a medicated sinus rinse to start using to see if maybe it was just inflamed tissue that would get better with direct contact with antihistamine and anti-inflammatory medications. He said in the meantime, we could do allergy testing the next week. And then we would follow up in 3 weeks. If I was not feeling better or it was worse, he would then order a CT Scan. After leaving that appointment, I was feeling uneasy about the situation so after a few days, I asked if he would go ahead and schedule the CT scan so I could get some peace of mind. The CT scan was scheduled pretty quickly and 5 days later, I got the results sent to me directly from the imaging office. "Differential considerations favor a neoplastic etiology such as an esthesioneuroblastoma (or olfactory neuroblastoma). Recommend correlation with tissue diagnosis." Well, that's not the news I wanted to hear. Once my doctor saw the CT results, I was sure he was going to schedule a biopsy. But he said the next step would be MRI's of the head and neck. Because of the time needed for both of these two tests, even though it was marked urgent, I wasn't able to schedule it for almost a week away. 

On the day of the test, they had a hard time getting a vein for the contrast. They were about to give up and tell me that I needed to reschedule for later in the week, but one of the nurses said she would try one more time and was able to get it, thank God! When I was leaving, I asked how long it would take to get results. She said they were backed up so it could take up to a week to get the results. About an hour or two after I got home, I got a call from the doctor. You know it's never good news when they call you so soon! He said the MRI did confirm the suspicion of cancer, olfactory neuroblastoma (or esthesioneuroblastoma).

Olfactory neuroblastoma, also known as esthesioneuroblastoma, is a rare malignant cancer that begins in the upper nasal cavity in tissues responsible for the sense of smell. It's a very rare type of cancer, with about 1 person per 2-2.5 million people diagnosed each year worldwide. 

https://www.mdanderson.org/cancerwise/what-is-esthesioneuroblastoma--symptoms--diagnosis-and-treatment.h00-159780390.html#:~:text=Esthesioneuroblastoma%2C%20also%20called%20olfactory%20neuroblastoma%2C,people%20diagnosed%20each%20year%20worldwide.

After the CT scan, my doctor had already sent a referral to UT Southwestern and told me that they were the best place to get treated in this area. I already had an appointment scheduled for Sept 1st but he said I needed to try to see them sooner, if possible. I called the next day and they said they were booked but could put me on the waitlist. After doing some research and my limited interactions with them, I was feeling less than impressed. I had already started doing my own research and found a couple of other places that might be better options for treatment for this kind of cancer, one being Johns Hopkins in Baltimore and the other MD Anderson in Houston. Unfortunately, Johns Hopkins does not take our insurance and travel there would be tough. Houston would be a little easier to manage since it's drivable and I was able to find at least 3 articles of people with this exact cancer that have been treated at MD Anderson, specifically by Dr. Ehab Hanna. 

https://www.mdanderson.org/cancerwise/olfactory-neuroblastoma-survivor-champions-self-advocacy-and-integrative-medicine.h00-159616278.html

https://www.mdanderson.org/cancerwise/olfactory-neuroblastoma-didn-t-stop-this-survivor-from-achieving.h00-159775656.html, 

https://www.mdanderson.org/cancerwise/olfactory-neuroblastoma-skull-base-tumor-survivor-finds-hope-in-treatment-at-md-anderson.h00-159304623.html

So, I called them. I told them the situation and started the new patient process. Once I talked to the nurse navigator, she told me that Dr. Hanna is one the best doctors for this diagnosis. They have been so helpful and communicative so far. I sent my scans and the doctor has already looked at them and started scheduling appointments for me. At this point, I have 4 appointments with Dr. Hanna and other various doctors (all rated 4.9-5/5) on Sept 1st and 2nd. And one on Sept 9th. My thinking is if I am going to have to do this all again, I want the best doctors for this diagnosis!

Even though it will be a little harder having to travel for treatment, I'm hoping it will be worth it. Unfortunately, my husband, Frank, already had his back surgery scheduled for this week and he will not be able to travel with me for my first appointments. But we have worked it out for my sister to go with me and I am so grateful for my friend Debbie who helped make that happen! I am worried about the financial implications of having to travel for treatment (gas, hotel, food expenses) and the fact that I will have to take days and possibly extended time off from work so I will be making less money than I was. And we were finally making progress getting out of debt so I'm sure this will set us back some.

But I know that God knows and has it all under control. And even though I really don't want to do this again, I am not ready to leave my family just yet so I will do what I need to do to give myself the best chance at more time. I don't know exactly what it's all going to look like, but all I can do is give it to God and trust Him. 

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

1 1 

1I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

where does my help come from?

2My help comes from the Lord,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

3He will not let your foot slip—

he who watches over you will not slumber;

4indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

5The Lord watches over you—

the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

6the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

7The Lord will keep you from all harm—

he will watch over your life;

8the Lord will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

Letting Go

July 17, 2026

One day it will just be gone. You know it's coming eventually, but that doesn't seem to ease the pain of it.

No more early morning or late night games. No more trips. No more taking videos of the person you love doing the thing they love. 

I am heartbroken and grieving. It may seem silly, but it is how I feel. No one can really prepare you for the devastation you feel when this thing that has dominated your life for many years is just all gone. I didn't even realize it until I was talking with another mom who went through this years ago. Maybe I knew deep down but didn't want to face it because it seems so trivial and stupid. It's just a sport. It's just a game. It's just a season. But her words allowed me to feel all the feelings and realize that I am not alone.

There are many questions I struggle with. What about all his potential and talent? Why didn't it take him farther? It's hard to not look back on it and say "If only".....if only we did this, if only he did that, if only the coaches, the team, the tryout etc. were all different. But it wasn't. And he has moved on and I'm left here in the broken and shattered dreams of it all. 

The truth is that sometimes our plans are not God's plans. And that is the hardest lesson of it. Because we question why? Why didn't God have the same plans I had for him? Saying it out loud sounds so ridiculous now, of course. Because God's plans are rarely our plans. We don't know why and probably never will, but He is God and we are not. And sometimes that is a hard truth to comes to grip with.

In the Waiting

8/20/25

My CT scan was yesterday to check on the nodules in my lungs. I am trying hard not to think about it but it's almost impossible. Waiting on any kind of medical test results is so hard. I'm hoping to see something by Friday. Next Tuesday, I will meet with my Oncologist and go over the plan depending on what it shows.

I have been feeling pretty bad physically honestly, so that makes me nervous. I saw a nutritionist and have been taking lots of supplements. But I can't stick to the diet and so I haven't lost any weight. I know it's so important and yet, I cannot stay on track. Every day it feels like I'm battling - my thoughts, my emotions, my body. I just want to feel better. I want to be healed. I want an experience like Forrest Frank - a miraculous healing.

Lately, I have felt like my bones are heavy, if that makes any sense. I get out of breath just doing simple tasks like walking across the house. I hate it. All I want to do is rest or sleep. I pray everyday for relief and peace. I have so much I would love to do, so much I would love to say but I'm feeling so overwhelmed. It's so hard always wondering how much time I have left. What if it's a lot less than I thought I would have? It's also hard not to compare my experience to my mom's experience. I hate that she was taken from us so young (just a little younger than me) and yet, my kids could find themselves in that same position. The last few months have been pretty tortuous with these constant thoughts and worries floating around my head and not having the answers yet but, also scared to have the answers. As you can imagine, it's not hard for my thoughts to spiral out of control. Life is short, even if you live to 100. It still flies by and you always feel like you could have done more, been more. I pray for healing, for wholeness, but I also know it is not up to me. That's hard for person who likes to be in control. But God is the one in control and even if he decides not to heal me, I trust Him. I praise Him. I serve Him. My ultimate prayer is that I will be able to serve Him more with whatever time I have left, whether that be soon or whether I have many many more days left here. 

A Dark Summer

7/2/2025

It's been so long since I have been able to write. I would say it's been a lonely and quiet time where words are hard to come by. Not only have I felt that God is silent, I haven't really felt like sharing the mess and hurt that I am in. Life just seems to keep throwing one thing after another at me and I don't know how well I have been handling it. From job situations to health issues to hockey drama, I feel like there is always something coming at us and causing my heart to hurt. I am honestly so tired. 

And now, there is a new health scare. After my breast cancer, my doctor schedules CT and bone scans every 4-6 months. Back in the fall, the scans showed I had a blood clot (most likely due to the medi-port being removed). I was put on blood thinners and praying that it would dissolve. I was also on Letrozole since January 2024 to prevent the breast cancer from returning. At my oncologist follow up appointment in April, I was feeling so bad - weight gain, joint pain, insomnia, night sweats, trigger thumb and just generally not feeling good mentally and physically. At this appointment, the doctor said I should change my meds to letrozole to exemestane. I was worried that maybe it would be even worse, but agreed to give it a try. Also, she decided I should have another scan in May (instead of waiting until July) so I could see if the blood clot might be gone and I could get off the blood thinners. I was worried maybe the scan was scheduled too soon (to make sure it would be completely gone and also just so tired of doing scans) but didn't object too much. My scan was scheduled for May 29th (2025).

The next week, I had the results uploaded to my portal. The good news, I didn't see mention of the blood clot! The bad news was there were nodules in both my lungs, while small that have grown (in size and number) since my last scan that were "suspicious for metastases". To say I was devastated is probably an understatement. I sent a message to my doctor to make sure she read the results right away. I wasn't supposed to see her for until the end of the week but they called me and said I could change my appointment up to that day. 

My doctor was definitely concerned about the report. She said she did not know what it could be if not cancer. But she did say the nodules are very small and while she would put the order in for biopsy they may be too small to biopsy. So, she also put in an order for a pet scan. The next week, they did call me to tell me the nodules were in fact too small to biopsy but they would contact me about the pet scan. The pet scan was then scheduled for June 17th. One of the hardest thing about medical issues is the waiting. It feels like I'm always waiting for something. A test, a result, a dr. appointment, the bad news.

From the moment I saw my uploaded CT report, I have been struggling mentally. My world has felt so dark and lonely and depressing. Knowing that I could have limited time left here has been on my mind a lot of the time. My thoughts are so loud inside my head, I've head trouble sleeping, thinking of all the things I need to and should get in order. The sadness is so overwhelming sometimes though that it's hard to get anything done at all, which just makes me more anxious and upset. 

I had my pet scan on June 17th. Over that weekend (the 21st), results were posted to my portal. The report said there was no evidence for malignancy and I felt like I could at least breathe a little! I was feeling a little better, and felt no need to move or rush my next oncologist appointment scheduled for July 1st. On June 27th, I got a notification that my report was uploaded to my portal, which I thought was weird since I had already seen it. I quickly opened it and didn't really pay close attention, thinking they just uploaded it again for some reason. Well, at my doctors appointment on July 1st, the doctor said that even though the pet scan had shown fewer nodules that they were possibly too small to be detected and so cancer is still not ruled out. I remember thinking that the report didn't even talk specifically about nodules so I was really confused. Turns out that there was an addendum added to my original report on that day I was notified, which I have never seen done before. My doctor seemed a bit flustered about these results. She talked to me about adding another medication for metastatic breast cancer "just in case" it does turn out to be cancer. The new medicine has just been approved and sounds horrific and expensive. She said we will do another CT scan mid August so we can see if the nodules are growing and go from there. She agreed to wait to give me that new medication. We did talk about the possibility that maybe the nodules are from my recent sinus surgery or maybe pneumonia that I didn't know I had. After the appointment and processing what the doctor said, it became clear to me that she does seem to think that it is cancer, but we just don't have any proof of it yet. I am praying that she is wrong. Metastatic breast cancer is not curable, though treatment can maybe give you a little longer time to live. But at what cost? The side effects of the medicine sound terrible and I am already dealing with the side effects of the hormone inhibitor I am taking. 

Life seems so hard and unfair, honestly. I don't know why I have to keep going through this. And I don't know what the end result will be so my emotions are all over place. I am trying not to lose hope. Every so often, I see a faint light but then I am brought back down to the darkness. Life is hard to live when you are continually wondering how much time you have left to live. And when you don't even feel good enough to make the most of the time left. All I can do is hold on to the promise that God is with me and will never leave me.

Overthinking by Samantha Ebert

There's an ache that's so persistent
There's a battle in my mind
Trying not to let the fear win
But I can't seem to close my eyes
I wanna know that it will be okay
But I'm running out of synonyms to pray

Do I tell you I feel hopeless?
Do I tell you that I'm scared?
Do I ask you for some clarity and say, "This isn't fair"?
When I think that you don't notice
Is when you show me just how much you care
When I'm sinking, overthinking, I know
That you won't leave me there, oh

When the cycle is exhausting
And I can't keep up the pace (ooh)
When I feel my world is falling
And there's doubt I can't escape
Uncomplicating's what you'll have to do
Will I trust in you to help me work it through?

Do I tell you I feel hopeless?
Do I tell you that I'm scared?
Do I ask you for some clarity and say, "This isn't fair"?
When I think that you don't notice
Is when you show me just how much you care
When I'm sinking, overthinking, I know
That you won't leave me there

Silence the riot
Send peace and quiet
'Cause I can't fight it on my own

When I tell you I feel hopeless
When I tell you that I'm scared
When I ask you for some clarity and say, "This isn't fair"
When I think that you don't notice
Is when you show me that you're a God who cares
When I'm sinking, overthinking, I know
That you won't leave me there
You won't leave me there, mm