Today was supposed to be my first chemo treatment. Unfortunately, it didn't go as planned. Well, it didn't go at all. Even though I was dreading it, I was also looking forward to starting it so I could get it over with. (Today is also our 25th wedding anniversary and the present my husband got was waiting all day in doctor's offices. Fun times!)
I think I mentioned before that I was having some trouble with a couple wounds not healing under my breasts. One much bigger than the other (the left side with the cancer). My plastic surgeon's office has not been great about anything really throughout this whole process. To the point that I am regretting my decision to opt for the breast reduction. The doctor himself had not seen me since the surgery and didn't even check the incisions when discharging me. All my follow up appointments have been with one of his PA's. She has a horrible bedside manner. The first appointment with her I waited longer than the appointment took and I didn't even wait that long. She rushed through like a Tasmanian devil, speaking very fast, not explaining much and pulling bandages off like I wasn't even a person. I did not even feel like a person with feelings in that visit. And it lasted all of 5-10 minutes. There was no one even there waiting but it was the end of the day so I assume she wanted to go home? Anyway, the last time I saw her was July 19th where she switched my bandages to wet to dry in order to pull some of the "stuff" off the wounds. (Sorry if TMI!). I also told her I was going to need chemo and she said make sure you eat a lot of protein during chemo. Didn't mention anything that my wounds really needed to be healed by then. So, I didn't think it was a big deal. Based on the every 2 weeks appointment schedule, I would have been seeing her August 2nd. But when I found out I was starting chemo on the 1st, I had called to see if I could see her yesterday, before chemo, (Mon July 31) since I didn't know how I would feel the day after. They said she would be out so I would have to see her the following Monday, August 8. Ugh. After this, the tape she used to cover the gauze made me bleed when I took it off in a couple days. And the wounds were looking different and I was confused if it was ok. So, I sent a message on their portal to let her know all that was going on. I got no response. Unfortunately, I had so much going on last week and I had my Power Port put in on Wednesday July 26th. After that day, I was SO tired to the point that Thursday and Friday I literally could not move my body at times. So, I unfortunately did not follow up.
This brings us to yesterday, where I had a follow up appointment with the Rehab. They are following up to make sure I am doing ok after the surgery with range of motion and also are looking at my wounds. Well, they did not like what they saw yesterday and knowing I was starting chemo today, they called Dr. Potter's (the surgeon who should not be named) office for me. Apparently, they do respond to other doctors fairly quickly. I got 2 phone calls in 10 minutes. They said I needed to postpone my chemo and I needed to see Dr. Potter himself to clear me for chemo. Of course, he wasn't in Monday though so it would have to be Tuesday. And that is was possible I would need to surgery to fix the wounds before chemo. And I needed to call my oncologist and tell her this. To say this put me in a tail spin of emotions seems like an understatement. I went from crying to yelling to just in utter disbelief. I guess this is what happens when you have too many doctors in the mix. They miss things and I had no idea that this could happen. They say once I get chemo there will be no healing, the rehab office said it would heal but much more slowly. When I called my oncologists office, they said they would leave the appointment and have my oncologist (Dr. Allada) look at it and determine if I was to have chemo or not. That way I wouldn't lose my spot if she said it looked ok.
Well, they have you take steroids the day before, day of and day after chemo. So they told me to go ahead and take them just in case. I took them Monday and in the morning today, my breasts were red and hot. I'm not sure if this had to do with the steroids or if there actually is infection (because I didn't have a fever). She said my white blood count was up and that could mean it was from the steroid or an infection, there wasn't really a way to know. But she said she didn't like my "angry breasts" (my favorite phrase of the day, LOL) and so I would not be having chemo today. But she said, I'm calling Dr. Potter and telling him he needs to see you this morning not in the afternoon. So, she did and they got my appointment moved up from 2:30pm to 11:30am. Unfortunately, the waiting there was slow and I didn't actually get called back until 12:45pm and didn't see the doctor to sometime after 1pm. I was sitting in that waiting room, trying not to have a Karen moment. I was so mad. Then I was so sad. All I kept thinking was, doing this breast reduction has been the biggest mistake of my life. Why did I do this to myself?? I am so stupid. I cannot even explain to you the roller coaster of emotions this journey has given me.
So, we get to the room and who walks in but the PA. But she looks and then she says Dr. Potter will be in to see me. I was like whew. The Rehab had covered my bigger wound with a foam bandage and when she took it off, I thought it looked better honestly. But she seemed annoyed they used that bandage and said I had to go back to wet to dry bandages. But it looks and feels better, I'm thinking. Anyway, the doctor finally comes in and says that I have to get these wounds healed before I have chemo. Again, INFORMATION THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN HELPFUL YESTERDAY!! (Wedding Singer reference, LOL) So, he is going to have to do outpatient surgery to cut and restitch the wounds. They would set it up and it would probably be Thursday or Friday this week in Plano. They would call me. Well, they never did call me today, anyway. Not that I'm surprised. So I will have to call first thing tomorrow. He says it takes 2 weeks to heal from but I'm gonna see if my oncologist will be willing to try and do it 1 and half weeks (Aug 25th). I don't want it pushed back too far because honestly, I need to get all these things done before the end of the year (gotta love that insurance scam) and I only have so much time. I will be glad to get these wounds healed because they have been a nuisance for a long time (5 weeks). I just hate the way this happened. And think if they were treating me right all along, maybe it wouldn't have come to this. But hindsight is always clearer, isn't it. And the waiting again is excruciating. And he is the reason I had to wait on my surgery, too. By the way, In case you don't get it yet, I DO NOT recommend this plastic surgeon, if you know anyone looking.
Ok, now for the silver lining. There seems to be a theme that on these awful days, God does show up in the end. As we are leaving, we just make it on the elevator with another couple that has left the same doctor's office. The women says something about the wait and I was like, yeah, better get used to it or something like that. (Both times I have waited to see Dr. Potter, he was extremely behind and it took hours. Ridiculous, I know.) So, she starts talking to me about who did I see (she also sees Dr. Potter) and did I like him. Well...I was trying to figure out how to say no, not really but this was my first time with something like this and it is cancer related. This women, by the name of Cassie, starts talking to me about her journey with cancer and how many surgeries she has had and about to have one more. So, we start chatting about cancer and wound care and doctors and PA's. And then she asks, can I pray for you? It was like God put her there just for me. I cannot explain to you how much it meant to me and how easy it was to talk to her. She was so open and encouraging and it was just what I needed in my eleventh hour. I have been struggling so much lately with God being silent but then He does this and I'm like, Ok, you ARE there! Thank you, Jesus.
"I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
Psalms 27:13-14
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