It's been 2 months since my last update. The truth is since the chemo started, my brain has been a mess and oftentimes the days feel like a blur. I probably won't be able to remember all the details but here is a summary of my 3 chemo's so far.
After a long delay, my first chemo was on Tues, August 29th. The day itself was such a relief to me and I was excited to get to the next part of the journey. The doctor said she never had seem someone so excited to get chemo before. Side effects were mostly as expected, though the bone pain from the Neulasta shot was so bad the following weekend, I almost went to the ER. But I was able to take Advil to get it under control and since then, the Claritin they suggest to take has been keeping that pain under control. After treatment, I actually felt ok Wed and Thurs (just progressively more tired), but by Friday, I was having a lot of stomach effects. On Saturday, I still was able to attend some of Elijah's hockey games (leveling tournament) though. Sunday was the worst day with the bone pain. One of the worse parts of the chemo experience was (and is) the steroids they make you take the day before, day of and day after the chemo. They made me red in the face and chest, bloated, hungry all the time and give me insomnia.
Next chemo was 3 weeks later, on Tues, September 19th. Had a little trouble with the cooling cap machine but the treatment itself went fine. The side effects were similar to the first time, but my down days were a little more severe. I think Friday and Saturday were spent in bed. It is hard to describe to the complete fatigue I felt. This is about the time my hair started falling out. It's hard to describe what its like to hold a clump of your hair in your hand. It's devastating mentally. Even though you know "It's just hair, it will grow back" (which is not something that is helpful to us), it takes a toll on you mentally and especially emotionally. Even when it grows back, it will never be the same. Also, add that to the feeling of how ugly you are already feeling from your altered Frankenstein- looking body, your self esteem really takes a hit. Most of my hair shedding came from the top and lasted about from days 15-28 (before and after my 2nd chemo). I've lost about 60-70% of my hair maybe and mostly on the top. I wear hats and it still looks like I have hair since I still have it on the bottom. At least the hats keep me warm at the rink.
Third chemo was last week, Tues, October 10th. Each treatment, I seem to dread a little more so I did not have a great attitude on the day. I really didn't want to be there. I didn't like my nurse as much. I could not wait for it to be over and get out of there. Side effects of this treatment were similar again but always a little different than the ones before. My stomach was a lot more queasy with this one. I felt worse faster this time and my bad days seemed a little worse, as expected. Again, I spent two days, this time was Thursday and Friday in bed mostly. Also, the hot flashes were a lot of worse with this one. By Sunday, I was starting to feel the fog lift a little though. Chemo brain/fog has definitely been a huge side effect through all the treatments (some days better than others), which is probably why it's hard to write. All 3 chemo's also made me lose my taste, which is definitely no fun. It always seems to start coming back just in time for the next chemo. This is one of the worst parts for me because I love food. LOL
My next and final chemo is scheduled for Tues, October 31st (Halloween!). I am looking forward to it in the sense that I cannot wait for this part to be over. I really hope I never have to do this again. I am dreading it in the sense of all the side effects being the most severe afterward. But I am excited that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am almost there. And then I can move on to the next stage of radiation treatments. I am certain it cannot be any worse than this.
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