Open Eyes, Open Heart

 10/18/2023

Now that I am post 3 chemo treatments with only 1 left, I have had some time and mental capacity to reflect on my journey, so far. When I started this process, I read a post from someone going through breast cancer and one thing that stuck out to me was her talking about how you will be surprised about the people that are there for you and the people aren't. When you go through something so hard like cancer, it's when you learn who your true friends are and sometimes it's not the people you think it will be.

When you are first diagnosed, you have lots of support, lots of messages. After a while and you are in the thick of the treatments, the support dies down, which I think is expected because people are busy and have their lives to live. In my experience, the people that have been there for me the most have been the survivors. Some of them were great with information and helped me prepare for treatments. Some brought or sent gifts or dinner. Some of them just simply checked in on me from time to time. You'd be amazed how just a simple note or message from someone saying they are thinking about you will help your mindset. I even received gifts and notes from people I didn't know personally but knew my husband. Unfortunately, I think this highlights the fact that the people you thought were going to be the ones there for you, are in fact, absent. And I'm not going to lie, it can hurt. But I do feel like it has really been teaching me an important lesson through all of this.

I think people in general tend to be selfish. It is the human way, of course. To only stay focused on yourself and your goals. When I was graduating high school, I didn't really have a clear professional plan (I still don't!). I was interested in missions and serving in the church, but didn't feel a specific calling necessarily. They asked us to put our future plans in the yearbook and I racked my brain forever trying to figure out what to write. What I wound up writing was my future plans were "to help people". That's it. Seems simple enough. But all these years later, I definitely do not feel like I lived up to this even generic goal. What have I actually done to help people? It makes me sad and humbled. When I was in high school, I feel like I had a servant's heart. I was very involved in the church and served others constantly. But through the years, my heart has become hardened and selfish. I have not served others as I should. I have not shown Christ's love to others as I should. So recently, when I reflected on how I have been let down by others, I was quickly reminded of the way I have let other people down in the same way. Ouch. Instead of kind and caring, I have been selfish and self serving for a long time now. So, I have been praying for God to change me. To open my eyes and heart to others. To change my perspective and bring me back to that servant's heart that I used to have. After all, isn't that what a Christian is all about? To be like Christ, who was the ultimate servant for all of us.

"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death - even death on a cross!" Philippians 2:5-8